


The House in Desert Creek

by EHyde



Category: Doctor Who, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Crossover, Gen, M/M, plus a bonus stealth crossover, podcast-style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-01
Updated: 2013-08-01
Packaged: 2017-12-22 02:54:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/908058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EHyde/pseuds/EHyde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perception filters work extremely well in Night Vale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The House in Desert Creek

There is no one left to tell us where to go. Welcome to Night Vale

*** 

I have a scientific update from Carlos. Listeners, you know I’ve always been eager to help Carlos in his scientific pursuits, but I’m sure you also recall (this is a bit embarrassing to remember) how I would always try to read hidden personal messages into his scientific inquiries. Well, now that we’re dating—now that we’re open about our feelings for each other—I find that has changed. I may not understand all of the science that Carlos does, or why certain things are worthy of scientific study, but science brings Carlos joy, and who am I to begrudge him that? Hearing him so excited about whatever his current project may be, I can’t help but become excited myself, even when he isn’t calling for personal reasons.

Today Carlos told me that he was about to, at long last, ring the doorbell of the house in the Desert Creek housing development that does not exist. You know, the house that’s between two other identical houses, and seems like it exists, but which according to all scientific data does not? That one. Carlos said, it’s been a year, and the house hasn’t done anything sinister yet, so, why not?

Listeners, I’m conflicted here. I mean, it’s just a house, right? How bad could it be? But on the other hand, I know how nervous it’s made Carlos and the other scientists. So I can’t help but worry for him. We at the radio station will be providing updates as the situation develops.

***

More news on the reopening of the Night Vale Post Office: we have a new Postmaster! No one knows his name, or how he came to be here, but it’s rumored that angels were involved (the City Council would like me to take this moment to remind you that angels don’t exist, and that you only ever get one). The Postmaster has been seen wearing a bright golden hat with wings, but don’t worry—it’s not some racist stereotype like the Apache Tracker’s headdress. It’s just weird.

***

Carlos got back to me about the house that does not exist: he says it _exists_ , but it is not a house. He stepped up to the front door, rang the doorbell, and waited. Almost immediately, there was a loud, repetitive mechanical roar, and a faint voice, as if calling from a great depth, shouted “wait there, I’m coming!” Carlos had a strong urge to run, but Carlos, brave and perfect, waited, and the door— _opened_. As soon as the door opened, he says, he could see that it was not a house at all, and he wondered how he had ever thought it was, because the door that opened was, quite clearly, the door of a small blue box. The door was opened by a woman, dark skinned and dark haired, who looked at Carlos, said “Finally!” and then, stepping out of the blue box, looked around and said, “Huh.”

***

A young man is asleep in the passenger seat of a long-haul truck. Is he merely asleep? Does he know where he is going? Does he want to be going there? Have the Sheriff’s Secret Police been informed of the situation? (Yes.) The truck has a red cab and is pulling an unmarked white trailer with Tennessee plates. It is heading north on I-800 at approximately seventy-five miles per hour, but it will not be heading north for long. They will find you. They will bring you back. They will always bring you back.

This has been traffic.

***

Listeners, it _sounds_ like Carlos is all right, but just to be absolutely sure—and to provide another perspective on the story—I’ve sent Intern Kim over to the Desert Creek housing development to investigate. We now know that there were two people in the blue box (which used to be a house): the woman, whose name is Martha, and a tall white man in a long brown coat who calls himself the Doctor. Now, you may find this somewhat disturbing (I know I do), but Carlos— _Carlos_ reports that this man has _perfect hair_. His exact words were “Cecil, I know what you think of my hair, but really, you should see this guy’s. It’s amazing.” Listeners, I’m worried. Could this be a result of whatever reality-warping force caused us all to think that the blue box was an ordinary house for the past year? I’ve asked Intern Kim for confirmation, and she tells me that the man’s hair is nowhere near as perfect as Carlos’ but that it is, she says, “pretty nice.” Well. That’s a relief. I must confess that I think Carlos has some occasional self-confidence issues, but we all know that no one’s hair could ever be as wonderful as his. Kim also tells me that the blue box (which used to be a house) is bigger on the inside. Given that two people have been living inside of it for the past year, and that from the outside it appears to be only the size of a phone booth, this comes as no surprise.

***

This is a reminder that all pennies found on the ground in suspiciously large quantities (generally considered to be a group of four or more) but scattered about (so as to look like they’re trying to be sneaky) are, in fact, government tracking devices. They are embedded with a small geographical locater so that a vague, yet menacing, government agency can find them at any time. If you come across a set of government tracking pennies, that’s good luck! Keep one on your person at all times and, should anything ever _happen_ , you (or at least, your remains) will not be lost indefinitely.

Cecil, you’re saying, we _know_ this. Everyone knows this. Well, of course you do! I bring it up today because Old Woman Josie, out near the car lot, has come into a surplus of tracking pennies. She’s been making them into jewelry, which is up for sale on her Etsy store, and she asked me to put out the word. I noticed Intern Kim wearing a tracking penny bracelet earlier today, and it looked quite stylish. So, check out Old Woman Josie’s Etsy store!

***

Carlos has been talking with the two strangers. Apparently the blue box (which used to be a house) is a time machine, and for the past year it has been caught in some sort of time-stasis-loop _thing_ (or so the Doctor says). Time travel is, of course, highly illegal in Night Vale, so I’m not surprised that a time machine would run into trouble. The City Council really does stay on top of this sort of thing. Being trapped in a time-stasis-loop _thing_ for a year is, all things considered, getting off pretty light. Carlos is still trying to determine why we all thought that the blue box was a house identical to those on either side of it.

***

A message from the Hiram McDaniels for Mayor campaign.

We all want to keep Night Vale safe, but excessive regulations on transportation and travel only serve to cause discontent in our community. Vote Hiram McDaniels for Night Vale mayor! He promises to clean up our city law books and provide a comprehensive, yet simple-to-understand system of traffic regulations.

[sound of a screaming roar, five separate voices in harmony]

(translation: I’m Hiram McDaniels, and I approve this message.)

***

Listeners, I need your help. Carlos needs your help. He’s only been in Night Vale a year, so it may just be that he doesn’t really understand, but—listeners, Carlos blames _himself_ for our time travelers’ misfortune. According to the Doctor, some outside influence was required to bring his blue box out of its time-stasis-loop _thing_. It was Carlos’ brave act of ringing the doorbell of the house that did not exist that set our visitors free! And while it _may_ be true that he knew there was something unusual about the house for a full year before doing anything, I don’t see how anyone can fault him for a perfectly reasonable sense of caution. Our time travelers were the ones who broke the law—they are the only ones at fault here. Besides, does anyone actually know how a time-stasis-loop _thing_ works, really? Perhaps the time travelers only experienced a few days inside of it. Though I suppose we must, in that light, also allow for the possibility that they could have experienced several decades … anyway, please, if you see Carlos, reassure him that he did the right thing—that he is, in fact, a hero!

***

Intern Kim has been providing more information from inside the blue box (which used to be a house). She says that it contains more dials, buttons, and levers than she’s ever seen in one place before (she adds that, due to the dimensional relativity, she’s not _positive_ they’re in one place, but that she intends to continue using this phrasing for simplicity’s sake). She also reports that the blue box is probably alive. And she may finally have an answer for why we all thought it was a house identical to those on either side of it. The blue box cannot _technically_ disguise itself, the Doctor told her, but it’s designed to be difficult to notice. Here in Night Vale, of course, we take special pride in our ability to not notice things, even when they’re _not_ designed that way! _Other_ towns (say, for example, Desert Bluffs) would never have been able to not notice the Doctor’s blue box for a whole year, but not only did we all ignore it completely, we also managed to see something else that made a whole lot more sense instead. Good for us, Night Vale!

***

And on that happy note, [the weather](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shJRm4sNuhE).

***

Listeners, the time travelers are gone, leaving behind a vacant lot in the Desert Creek housing development. I’ve received word that Intern Kim has gone with them. She said something to Carlos about wanting to see the mysteries of time and space. I could never condone any criminal actions on the part of our community radio interns, but as long as the time travelers have learned to pay attention to local ordinances and not to time travel in restricted areas, it sounds like a wonderful opportunity for a young person to see the world. Intern Kim told me that the blue box can teleport without traveling in time, and I suppose this is how they left Night Vale. Perhaps they are even now listening to this broadcast, before vanishing into the distant past or future. If you can hear me, Kim, I do not know if you will ever return to us, but I wish you good fortune on your travels. And to the rest of you listeners, goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.

**Author's Note:**

> Today's weather was "You Will Be Catalogued" by DrGaz.


End file.
